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English Champion's avatar

Excellent piece--developing virtues is exactly why I became a literature professor :)

Rebecca's avatar

Back when I was having babies, several of us young moms had more than one discussion about the fact that few of our husbands had ever done anything physically risky or dangerous — and certainly nothing painful and potentially life-threatening as labor and childbirth. Physical suffering was an unknown to them. They were living safe little lives, and their fears were of mostly emotional things, such as that we might not respect them enough, or might speak to them harshly, or might never regain our pre-pregnancy bodies, or might let babies interfere with our sex lives.

Our fears were of emotional things too, but we had heard enough childbirth horror stories and had educated ourselves enough about potential risks that we had some idea of what could possibly happen to us. Plus, some of us had already faced physical dangers such as violent crimes, and we didn’t live in an area that was always safe for women. (I was once shocked to discover my husband had never been chased across a parking lot, followed in a car, been stalked and threatened — and then I remembered the obvious. Oh, yeah, he’s a guy.)

We realized that life had been and probably always would be much safer for our husbands. Their lives didn’t require the degree of courage that ours did. It made them seem weak in a way. It also made them not only lacking in courage but unable to appreciate it in others.

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