I'm five years up on you. I'm 70 and had my first novel published in 2010. I never cared about being published; I just wanted to write because I love words. I really LOVE words and painting a story with them.
It was never ever about gratification but it was always a compunction. What surprised me on publication - indie of course - was that I did actually entertain folk. That never ceases to amaze me.
Fourteen novels and anthologies later, many awards, a renovated laundry and a degree of complete contentment, I have no expectations at all. Never did have actually. But I love that historical fiction and historical fantasy readers took a chance on an unknown indie - I am and will always be forever grateful and have 'met' many lovely book-folk.
I bought your novel when it was first released. I have a beta-e- read to finish reading and a print novel as well and then you're next. Looking forward to it as I love hist.fict!!!
Thanks Prue. It is an aspect that I should have mentioned: the gratification that comes from the act of writing itself, and/or the compulsion that make it necessary to write. An itch is a compulsion. Scratching the itch is a form of gratification. For some it is clearly enough to scratch the itch when it occurs, without greater ambition playing any role. I envy them! For me it was always about the quest for publication. It still is. It would be a grand thing to do it for the love of the doing, and then to have successful publication anyway!
I've often thought about this same concept with the language of "feedback loops." A book is a very long feedback loop: You have to write the whole chapter before you can get a sense of it, maybe the whole book before you know if it's "working." Compare that to a musical instrument where you can learn a few measures at a time and tell that they're starting to sound nice, or graphic design where you can determine if the shapes and colors are moving in the right direction. Or compare that to video games, which are designed to have feedback loops as often as possible. The best-selling Civilization series was designed to give the player a burst of dopamine every 90 seconds. And that's slow compared to most modern games.
The thing about feedback loops is that they don't necessarily bring gratification. If you get to the end of your book and decide none of it worked, that's not very gratifying. So part of the delay in a book isn't even the sense of gratification but the ability to know if you should feel gratified.
You are also spot-on with the idea of finding happiness along the way. I remember reading somewhere that "Flipping burgers sucks. But so does being a CEO some days. Every profession has its pain points and its pleasures. So find the one whose pain points you can stand." I think the same is true here. In addition to being a writer, I've dabbled in many other creative hobbies, including digital art and painting. But I realized one time that I had to paint a whole forest to finish a piece and I couldn't even stand the idea of doing that. That's when I gave up. Because when it comes to writing, there's some part of me that takes satisfaction even in the most monotonous parts. Like Prue said in her comment, I love words, so working with words brings me joy even in the pain.
I recall a time in college when I was deciding whether I wanted to pursue writing or video game development as my life's passion. I decided to do a bit of both and see which one I liked better. There came a day during the writing when nothing was working, my characters were flat, my plot had stalled, and all of my descriptions sounded like they'd been written by 3rd graders. I said to myself, "I would rather be doing anything than this." And so I tried making a video game. And there came a day when my code wouldn't compile, my art assets wouldn't load, the graphics engine kept crashing, and I said to myself," I would rather be doing anything than this."
I realized that this is the nature of creative life. So I picked the hobby that mattered most to me and decided to soldier on. Five years later, here I am working on book #3 with no idea if or when any of them will be published. But that's the journey.
That's a fascinating insight. Perhaps it is not how rewarding the highs are that enable you to continue, but how tolerable the lows are. I can believe that, because I've always found the lows of writing life more tolerable than the lows of anything else. And, of course, you have to tolerate the lowest lows to reach the highest highs.
And you are right about the feedback loop of a novel. In then end, nothing counts for anything if the story does not work as a whole. And you may not find out if it does or doesn't until the end. It's more complex than that, of course, because not only do you have to create a satisfying arc, you have to maintain tension in the narrative all the way through. It is the perfect case of the macro and the micro needing to work in harmony. And there is nothing more frustrating as a reader than to be compelled through the book by the local tension only to have the whole thing fall apart at the end.
Part of me takes hope from the fact that books have such long feedback loops and require so much patience. Writing acts as its own gatekeeper, reducing the number of books we have to compete with. (Whether it's healthy to see this as a competition is another topic, but I think it's inevitable to a certain degree). But competition is still fierce, as Janice pointed out.
What's interesting is that even though books take longer to feel rewarding and are far less certain (because you can, for example, decide the whole book was a waste), it still feels like time well spent. I have sometimes regretted playing video games or watching TV. I have never regretted writing, even if what I wrote amounted to nothing. I suppose there's a sense that I'm approaching my goals even if I'm hitting dead ends at the moment.
Well, yes, there are only a finite number of readers, with a finite amount of money to spend, so it is a competition. But it is not one big market either. It is a collection of niche markets. So one can wish someone well who is not in you niche, because you are not in competition with them. For those who are in your niche? Well, try to keep the blood out of the carpet please. :-)
And I agree that time working on your passion, whatever it is, is time well spent, even if it comes to nothing. If you worked with attention, then you probably learned something. But more than that, we were born to labor and if we labor honestly and with love, there is virtue in that, even in the product of our labors pleases no one, not even ourselves. We should try, of course, to please ourselves and others, but if we try and fail, it is an honorable failure, and still time well spent.
Time seems to fly by faster as we get older, waiting for a publisher to launch your book is worse than waiting for Christmas as a kid. I do hope your book is picked up by the publisher, it's what you are used to. Kudos for self-publishing - your cover is amazing. One of my first series is now with a production company. An email from them came out of the blue earlier this year. I thought it was spam, until it wasn't. While 90% or so never reach filming, it is a challenging adventure with a very long wait too. This article gives one an idea of how many books author's compete with monthly: https://justpublishingadvice.com/there-are-now-over-5-million-kindle-ebooks, or at least 50,000/month or 7,500/day. It takes courage to launch one's book into that fray.
Indeed. As we age we do in some sense return to that childish impatience. Children, of course, have no idea how much time they have, and are thus impatient for the moment. We, on the other hand, are acutely aware of how little time we may have, and thus, in our way, as impatient as they. My fingers are crossed that the production company likes what they see. That would be wonderful.
congratulations on the publication of your novel! i understand completely about choosing the wrong style and period for the historical fiction market, and i applaud you for seeing your project through to the end regardless. my reading list is currently full, but i will definitely check it out. best of luck with it!
as for delayed gratification, my own project followed a similar course, except i've been writing it for probably over 10 years now (should i admit that? ;-) and had an agent briefly, but no publisher wanted it. so here i am. but, like most of us, i write because i love it, so i'll be happy wherever it takes me...
Yes, I feel for you. I had an agent once as well. Actually, not once, but twice. The first tried valiantly. The second was a mess. In the end I learned that agents take what they already know they can sell. And who can blame them? They have mouths to feed.
agreed. which is why i cut my losses and am now here. i might eventually try to self-publish once i have my manuscript where i want it. or it may not be worth the trouble. i'm still getting my bearings. it's all an education!
Interesting deliberations.
I'm five years up on you. I'm 70 and had my first novel published in 2010. I never cared about being published; I just wanted to write because I love words. I really LOVE words and painting a story with them.
It was never ever about gratification but it was always a compunction. What surprised me on publication - indie of course - was that I did actually entertain folk. That never ceases to amaze me.
Fourteen novels and anthologies later, many awards, a renovated laundry and a degree of complete contentment, I have no expectations at all. Never did have actually. But I love that historical fiction and historical fantasy readers took a chance on an unknown indie - I am and will always be forever grateful and have 'met' many lovely book-folk.
I bought your novel when it was first released. I have a beta-e- read to finish reading and a print novel as well and then you're next. Looking forward to it as I love hist.fict!!!
Thanks Prue. It is an aspect that I should have mentioned: the gratification that comes from the act of writing itself, and/or the compulsion that make it necessary to write. An itch is a compulsion. Scratching the itch is a form of gratification. For some it is clearly enough to scratch the itch when it occurs, without greater ambition playing any role. I envy them! For me it was always about the quest for publication. It still is. It would be a grand thing to do it for the love of the doing, and then to have successful publication anyway!
Which is why I have always had no expectations in my career. Such an outlook has removed the stress and made it a wholly enjoyable experience.
We should all be so blessed. I, specifically, should be so blessed! :-)
I've often thought about this same concept with the language of "feedback loops." A book is a very long feedback loop: You have to write the whole chapter before you can get a sense of it, maybe the whole book before you know if it's "working." Compare that to a musical instrument where you can learn a few measures at a time and tell that they're starting to sound nice, or graphic design where you can determine if the shapes and colors are moving in the right direction. Or compare that to video games, which are designed to have feedback loops as often as possible. The best-selling Civilization series was designed to give the player a burst of dopamine every 90 seconds. And that's slow compared to most modern games.
The thing about feedback loops is that they don't necessarily bring gratification. If you get to the end of your book and decide none of it worked, that's not very gratifying. So part of the delay in a book isn't even the sense of gratification but the ability to know if you should feel gratified.
You are also spot-on with the idea of finding happiness along the way. I remember reading somewhere that "Flipping burgers sucks. But so does being a CEO some days. Every profession has its pain points and its pleasures. So find the one whose pain points you can stand." I think the same is true here. In addition to being a writer, I've dabbled in many other creative hobbies, including digital art and painting. But I realized one time that I had to paint a whole forest to finish a piece and I couldn't even stand the idea of doing that. That's when I gave up. Because when it comes to writing, there's some part of me that takes satisfaction even in the most monotonous parts. Like Prue said in her comment, I love words, so working with words brings me joy even in the pain.
I recall a time in college when I was deciding whether I wanted to pursue writing or video game development as my life's passion. I decided to do a bit of both and see which one I liked better. There came a day during the writing when nothing was working, my characters were flat, my plot had stalled, and all of my descriptions sounded like they'd been written by 3rd graders. I said to myself, "I would rather be doing anything than this." And so I tried making a video game. And there came a day when my code wouldn't compile, my art assets wouldn't load, the graphics engine kept crashing, and I said to myself," I would rather be doing anything than this."
I realized that this is the nature of creative life. So I picked the hobby that mattered most to me and decided to soldier on. Five years later, here I am working on book #3 with no idea if or when any of them will be published. But that's the journey.
That's a fascinating insight. Perhaps it is not how rewarding the highs are that enable you to continue, but how tolerable the lows are. I can believe that, because I've always found the lows of writing life more tolerable than the lows of anything else. And, of course, you have to tolerate the lowest lows to reach the highest highs.
And you are right about the feedback loop of a novel. In then end, nothing counts for anything if the story does not work as a whole. And you may not find out if it does or doesn't until the end. It's more complex than that, of course, because not only do you have to create a satisfying arc, you have to maintain tension in the narrative all the way through. It is the perfect case of the macro and the micro needing to work in harmony. And there is nothing more frustrating as a reader than to be compelled through the book by the local tension only to have the whole thing fall apart at the end.
Part of me takes hope from the fact that books have such long feedback loops and require so much patience. Writing acts as its own gatekeeper, reducing the number of books we have to compete with. (Whether it's healthy to see this as a competition is another topic, but I think it's inevitable to a certain degree). But competition is still fierce, as Janice pointed out.
What's interesting is that even though books take longer to feel rewarding and are far less certain (because you can, for example, decide the whole book was a waste), it still feels like time well spent. I have sometimes regretted playing video games or watching TV. I have never regretted writing, even if what I wrote amounted to nothing. I suppose there's a sense that I'm approaching my goals even if I'm hitting dead ends at the moment.
Well, yes, there are only a finite number of readers, with a finite amount of money to spend, so it is a competition. But it is not one big market either. It is a collection of niche markets. So one can wish someone well who is not in you niche, because you are not in competition with them. For those who are in your niche? Well, try to keep the blood out of the carpet please. :-)
And I agree that time working on your passion, whatever it is, is time well spent, even if it comes to nothing. If you worked with attention, then you probably learned something. But more than that, we were born to labor and if we labor honestly and with love, there is virtue in that, even in the product of our labors pleases no one, not even ourselves. We should try, of course, to please ourselves and others, but if we try and fail, it is an honorable failure, and still time well spent.
Beautifully said.
Time seems to fly by faster as we get older, waiting for a publisher to launch your book is worse than waiting for Christmas as a kid. I do hope your book is picked up by the publisher, it's what you are used to. Kudos for self-publishing - your cover is amazing. One of my first series is now with a production company. An email from them came out of the blue earlier this year. I thought it was spam, until it wasn't. While 90% or so never reach filming, it is a challenging adventure with a very long wait too. This article gives one an idea of how many books author's compete with monthly: https://justpublishingadvice.com/there-are-now-over-5-million-kindle-ebooks, or at least 50,000/month or 7,500/day. It takes courage to launch one's book into that fray.
Indeed. As we age we do in some sense return to that childish impatience. Children, of course, have no idea how much time they have, and are thus impatient for the moment. We, on the other hand, are acutely aware of how little time we may have, and thus, in our way, as impatient as they. My fingers are crossed that the production company likes what they see. That would be wonderful.
congratulations on the publication of your novel! i understand completely about choosing the wrong style and period for the historical fiction market, and i applaud you for seeing your project through to the end regardless. my reading list is currently full, but i will definitely check it out. best of luck with it!
as for delayed gratification, my own project followed a similar course, except i've been writing it for probably over 10 years now (should i admit that? ;-) and had an agent briefly, but no publisher wanted it. so here i am. but, like most of us, i write because i love it, so i'll be happy wherever it takes me...
Yes, I feel for you. I had an agent once as well. Actually, not once, but twice. The first tried valiantly. The second was a mess. In the end I learned that agents take what they already know they can sell. And who can blame them? They have mouths to feed.
agreed. which is why i cut my losses and am now here. i might eventually try to self-publish once i have my manuscript where i want it. or it may not be worth the trouble. i'm still getting my bearings. it's all an education!
Well said! Getting comfortable with navigating delayed gratification may be one of the most underrated skills of novelists.